Happy Life and Work - Contentment

“A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” - Proverbs 29:11

We live in a pressure-packed world. The demands that are often put on us can bring out things that we never knew were there. Sometimes we begin to think that the source of that pressure is to blame for our response to the pressure. It could be an event, a spouse, a boss, a client, a child, or even a driver who cuts us off in traffic.

I recall responding to a close friend one time, “If you had not done that, I would never have responded that way.” Later I learned that this response had little truth to it. We all choose to get angry. No one else is to blame for our anger.

“The circumstances of life, the events of life, and the people around me in life, do not make me the way I am, but reveal the way I am” [Dr. Sam Peeples].

This simple quote has had a profound impact on how I view my anger now. Anger only reveals what is inside of me. I can’t blame anyone but me for my response to a situation. I have learned that anger is only the symptom of something else that is going on inside of me. This quote now resides on my refrigerator door as a daily reminder of the truth about my response to life’s situations.

It has been said that anger is like the warning panel on the dash of your car. It is the light that tells us something is going on under the hood and we need to find out what is the source of the problem. I discovered that the source of anger is often unmet expectations or personal rights. We believe we are entitled to a particular outcome to a situation. When this doesn’t happen, it triggers something in us. At the core of this is fear, often a fear of failure or rejection, fear of what others think, fear of the unknown.

If you struggle with anger, ask God to reveal the source of that anger. Ask Him to heal you of any fears that may be the root of your anger. Ask God to help you take responsibility for your response to difficult situations. (from Today God is first by Os Hillman)

A very practical tool to go along with your payer that I recommend is this great DVD series by best selling author and speaker Neil Anderson.

Victory over the Darkness, 2-DVD Seminar By Neil Anderson / Gospel Light Based on Neil Anderson’s best-selling book, this interactive DVD set features eight messages to help you live in victory. You’ll learn to resolve personal conflicts embrace the power of reconciliation, experience emotional freedom, and more. For individual or group use. Approx. 5.5 hours.

“In your anger, do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26)

Easier said than done, right! But, if God wants us to avoid sinning when we are angry, then there must be a way to do that. The key is understanding our anger. Let’s start with asking the right questions about our anger.

• Why are you so angry?
• Where did your anger come from?
• What are you angry about?

Our ability to answer these questions and understand our anger is vital to successful anger management. It is in the understanding of our anger, that we can discover the keys and tips for anger management. I recently listened to a multiple part audio series on anger management that, with clarity, outlined some of the very best anger management techniques, anger management tips, anger management skills I have ever heard. The information offered and explained in this audio series will help you reap the benefits of authentic anger management. You are essentially receiving four 45 minute to one hour anger management seminars packed with truth that, when you apply it in your life will:

• Help you wake up and stay happy every day
• Help you identify if you are an “exploder” or an “imploder”, and why that is in important.
• Help you clarify what emotion is really causing your anger, and what to do with that information.
• Help you know how to make anger your ally
• Help you deal with other people who are angry
• Help you experience greater happiness in life and at work
• Help you build and maintain healthier, happier, more fulfilling relationships

Audio series available soon…please check back on or about April 1.

Do you wake up every morning angry? Do you stuff and carry everything you deal with with at work and at home without properly processing with those around you, your spouse and family, your coworkers, and your friends. When we do this, we live on the edge. Our emotional temperature reaches and stays at 211 degrees, one degree from boiling, and we are that close to our boiling point. We carry hurt, sadness, resentment, bitterness, frustration, envy, jealousy, and disappointment with us like a bog of rocks and all it take sis one more rock to make it too heavy for us to carry. That is when it happens. at a time when we need love, acceptance and understanding, we feel we don’t get what we want, and we rise up in rage and anger because this makes us feel strong, aggressive, and even for that brief time, better. The bottom of the bag breaks open and out spill all the rocks. And the people we love the most are usually the ones present when this happens, and are the unfortunate recipients of our rock slide of rage and anger. This stresses the relationship and the cycle of “hurt - anger - hurt” begins. This cycle becomes a downward spiral that we can’t control because we don’t understand what is happening, and typically we aren’t willing or ready to listen.

Often, we lose someone we love or hit bottom before we realize we need to make some changes in our lives and in our hearts if we hope to break free from the stronghold that anger has on us. We have to make a commitment to the long and difficult process of working through some difficult issues and facing some very personal demons from our past. It is The first step is knowledge and understanding. We must get our arms around what is really happening to us and why.

The following are some of the very best resources that have helped me personally, and that I know will help you.

Make Anger Your AllyBy Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D. / Tyndale HouseLearn how to make anger work for you rather than against you! Dr. Warren shows you how to harness the energy of this powerful emotion—instead of resorting to suppression or denial. You’ll discover creative and constructive ideas for coping with pain and resolving problems without aggression.

Getting Anger Under ControlBy Neil Anderson / Harvest House PublishersAre you a captive to unresolved resentment? Has anger “broken into” your heart and robbed you of joy and peace? Gain the upper hand when you discover these biblical principles and constructive methods for overcoming such overwhelming emotions.

Getting the Best of Your Anger, 2nd editionBy Dr. Les Carter / RevellGetting the Best of Your Anger helps you take charge, whether you need to use anger less frequently or more powerfully. Dr. Les Carter explains what anger is and why we experience it, how to identify your level of anger, behaviors that make anger an enemy, and how to express anger in constructive ways

The Anger Trap, PaperbackBy Dr. Les Carter / John Wiley & SonsThe Anger Trap is a landmark book that strips away the myths and misconceptions about anger and reveals how you can learn to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy anger so that you may choose, or help someone else to choose, a better, more spiritually enlightened path. The Anger Trap examines the root causes of anger and can help you realize your patterns and break the destructive cycles of criticism, frustration, and irritation that hurt you and others around you.

Anger is the second emotion; the emotion that follows frustration, resentment, bitterness, hatred, impatience, and disappointment. Is anger always wrong? Weren’t there occasions when God , in the old testament and Jesus, in the new testament expressed and acted in anger? From these instances we can see that being angry is actually an emotion that God has given us. Anger is an emotion that can control us and be destructive, or if we can control it, with the help of the Holy Spirit, can be useful and helpful. God tell us that “in our anger we should not sin”. This seems to affirm that God knows there will be circumstances that should and will stir anger in us, but that we are to control that anger and respond in a manner that is not destructive for us or others. So, what does God provide for us to control our anger? After all, if it is important enough for him to tell us to control, doesn’t it seem reasonable to expect that he would provide something or some way to do so?

The answer to this question, was mentioned above, and is that God gives to all those that put their trust in Jesus, his spirit, the Holy Spirit. When we put our trust in Jesus, surrendering our trust in ourselves, the Holy Spirit can begin to work in hearts and minds. The Bible says that we our “transformed by the renewing of our minds”. As this transformation occurs, we begin to see things differently, think differently, and yes speak, behave, and conduct ourselves differently. A miracle occurs and we go from being someone who once was controlled by anger to one who, with the help of God’s Holy Spirit can “live by the spirit” and actively demonstrate “the fruit of the spirit, love joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control”.

As a Christian, someone who has put their trust in Jesus, it is important to realize that we must daily trust and call on him and the Holy Spirit for this strength to controll and manage anger. Life will continue to put us in circumstances that will raise our temperature, and we will be tempted to revert back to our sinful nature and act in discord, dissension, factions, fits of rage, and anger. But, with the powerful help of the Holy Spirit, we can keep our temperature below 212 degrees, not boil over, and practice Biblical anger management.

Some advice and encouragement for you:

1. Stay in relationship with God - read your bible regularly (Ephesians 4 is a great chapter on anger management) “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2
2. Ask a friend to come along side you for accountability, but also to love you through the healing process - meet/talk with them regularly, and give them permission speak truth into your life
3. Practice simple practical techniques - taking deep breaths, counting to ten, respectively walking away to cool off can be very effective
4. See a professional biblically-based counselor if needed - you might have some deep issues you need to face

Here are some excellent resources to help you learn more about anger management, and to supplement your bible reading:

The Anger Workbook By Les Carter / Thomas Nelson Whether your anger is from tension at work, frustration at home, or just life in general, this workbook will help you modify the anger that keeps you from inner peace and contentment. Carter and Minirth, esteemed Christian counselors, walk you through a 13-step program of interactive exercises that will help you identify learned patterns of relating, thinking, and behaving that influence your anger.

Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way By Gary Chapman / Northfield From road rage to daily exasperations in the home and workplace, Americans are getting madder! Offering up-to-date stats, facts, and real-life examples, Chapman discusses helpful—and surprising—insights on the reasons behind our anger and how to not only manage it, but use it for good! (Formerly titled The Other Side of Love.) 208 pages, softcover from Moody.

Anger & Stress Management, God’s Way By Dr. Wayne A. Mack / Calvary Press What is the Biblical and God-Glorifying way to handle anger and stress?Anger and stress are perhaps the two most defining aspects of our world today. There are many ways of handling stress and anger: You can get increasingly angrier and more stressed out, you can resort to drugs and alcohol, you can turn violent, you can retreat into your own world and become cold and distant—or you can react God’s Way!Dr. Wayne Mack, one of the most well-known and trusted Christian counselors of our time, puts his years of experience and Bible knowledge to work for you in this book! In it, he tells you, not just how to handle anger, but the root causes of anger. By doing this, Dr. Mack helps you to better understand why your reactions to stress, and its accompanying anger, are usually the result of “not getting what we think we need.” He then goes on to explain how to restructure your thinking to make your reaction more Christ-like If you’ve ever struggled with anger, if you’ve ever been so stressed out that you don’t know where to turn, then let this book, guided by the principals of scripture, change your life—forever!

Anger Is a Choice By Tim LaHaye & Bob Phillips / Zondervan Whether you fear your own rage or that of others, discover how to keep anger under instead of in control. Best-selling authors LaHaye and Phillips provide “Anger Inventory” and other exercises that offer healing for damaged relationships. Understand where anger comes from, how it does or doesn’t show, and what you can do about it. Paperback.